


A World Where You Didn't

by ThatOneGreyGhost



Series: Recovery Files 001: Avengers [1]
Category: MCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky falling, Drunk Steve, Healing, M/M, Recovery, So much angst, Soft Bucky, Steve overthinking literally everything, Strange showing Steve what could have happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28186872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneGreyGhost/pseuds/ThatOneGreyGhost
Summary: There's a world where you did, a world where you couldn't, and a world where you didn't. Those worlds exist for everyone, splitting away at the moment that is most impactful in your life.
Relationships: Stucky
Series: Recovery Files 001: Avengers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2064849
Kudos: 18





	A World Where You Didn't

**Author's Note:**

> So, because I am incapable of writing anything but angst, have this.

Every person has three worlds; a world where you did, a world where you couldn't, and a world where you didn't. 

The world where you did is most obvious. He was hanging on, as were you, and you stretched out your hand until his was in yours. But what isn't obvious is what came next. When you won, he took you aside, told you with tears in his eyes that he loved you. You told him with tears in your eyes that it didn't matter how you felt, it could never happen. You never felt satisfied with the girl you chose, because you were meant to be with him. He couldn't look you in the eye after that, and when he put a bullet in his brain you blamed yourself, and pretended you couldn't hear him screaming for help when you slept.

The world where you couldn't is the one you are most familiar with. He extended his hand, but couldn't meet yours, and you stopped to try to think of a way to save him. And he fell, and you mourned, and when his heart crashed onto the icy canyon floor, yours broke in two. It hasn't healed right since, and though your pretty agent tried her damned best to fix it, you made up your mind to follow him, and so you crashed into the ice, and when you were pulled from it years later, you pretended it was an accident. This world is not all bad, of course. You can love him here, and he can love you, and neither of you will be hunted for it. You can choose whoever you like, and you like that. But you still wish you had caught him, and you blame yourself when he cries out in his sleep.

The world where you didn't holds nothing but pain. When your hand met only empty air, you jumped, and you crashed beside him on the canyon floor. And when they came for him, they found you, and they corrupted you, and you became like him; a weapon for them to use, only a puppet with broken strings. When they killed him, you lashed out at whatever you could. You became cruel, because they had taken from you the only person you had ever loved in that manner. When they told you 'kill', you ripped people's heads from their bodies. When they told you 'torture', you held your victims within an inch of their life. You inflicted pain because all you knew was pain, and every time you did that, a little more of you died, until there was nothing left.

Now, of these worlds, which do you think is right for you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fifteen minutes ago, Steve had been pleasantly buzzed from the Asgardian mead he had stolen from Thor. Now, he was sitting across from Stephen, trying not to cry as Stephen broadcasted the answer to his question; "What would have happened if I'd caught him?".

Bucky wanders in at that moment, talking with Sam about medication and his therapist. He didn't notice Steve at first, barely noticed Stephen at all.

"So, I told her, 'you won't believe what resurfaced last night', and she goes-" Bucky turns around, having walked into the room backwards, and his smile goes flat. He sees Steve trying not to cry, hears those little whimpers he makes when he's suppressing tears.

"Bucky?" Sam asks, turning towards Bucky in concern.

"Stevie?"

That name wakes Steve up. Nobody calls him that except for Bucky, and Bucky wasn't here two seconds ago, so he better hush up before Bucky figures out that he's plastered and gives him an earful for drinking too much. He swallows hard, pushing back tears as he opens his eyes.

Bucky is only a few inches from him, laying a hand on his shoulder. The concern in his face is nothing compared to the fear in his eyes, fear of not doing enough, fear of losing Steve. Steve gasps a little as his throat gets tight, his eyes burning with pain and sorrow.

"Doll? Tell me you're ok." Bucky's voice quivers ever so slightly, and Steve feels a single tear leak from his eyes, and he curses internally because once they start they won't stop. He buries his face in his hands, gasping sobs forcing themselves from his mouth as his cheeks become wet.

Bucky feels Steve falling, opens his arms so as to catch him, holds his beloved as tears begin welling up in his own eyes. A muffled whimper rises in his throat, the sorrow not entirely his own.

*If I could take all your pain as my own, I would* Bucky thinks, and feels Stephen take that thought from his mind, feels it brought into someone else's. Steve sniffles and sobs, letting himself be held as he slowly begins to resurface. He comes back to reality, comes back to the Tower and the Avengers and his beloved, his Bucky.

"I'm sorry." He whimpers, curling in on himself. "I wasn't fast enough. I couldn't catch you".

"Oh, doll, I thought we agreed not to blame ourselves for that?" Bucky pulls Steve close to him, feeling his heartbeat as he presses a hand to Steve's shoulder. "You know there wasn't anything you could have done".

"I could hav-" Steve is silenced by Bucky's hands running up and down his back, a repetitive, circular motion that soothes him.

"Now, are you going to keep talking nonsense about what you couldn't have done, or are you going to come back to me?" Bucky says barely above a whisper, running his fingers through Steve's hair. "Because I miss you quite a lot, and there's no use in talking about the past. Whatever happened, happened, and you can't change that now".

Bucky hold his hand the rest of the night, a requirement for Steve to be able to function. Bucky finds out that he's buzzed, of course, and gives him an earful about how he shouldn't drink so much, but he's not mad, and he makes sure that Steve knows it. When Steve does finally tell Bucky about the three worlds, Bucky glares at Stephen, who suddenly is in a rush to get back to the Sanctum. Bucky reassures Steve that he's not going anywhere, and carries his gorgeous doll of to bed.

**Author's Note:**

> So, prompts. Please, drop me some prompts. Literally anything.


End file.
